Last Orders: A ShellShock BrexShit Special

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Had a tit-full of Brexit….? Yeh. Haven’t we all…..

It’s been consuming our idiot boxes and airwaves for literally fucking years now. Not to mention the relentless droves of unwanted options clogging up our social media streams. And you can’t even open a newspaper without being confronted by a Tori with a laughable hair cut!

Quite frankly ShellShock are one step away from injecting our ear canals with poly filler and bathing our eyes in caustic soda to shield ourselves from this shower of shit that’s been raining down upon us since David Dickhead-Cameron conjured up this monstrous monsoon many moons ago.

Apparently, after years name calling, hair pulling and games of hide and seek in refrigerators, IT is actually going to happen. Europe will be severing the UK, like a gangrenous bloody limb, on Friday 31st January 2020. This will of course evoke mixed feelings, but one thing we can all, surely, agree on is that we’re sick to death of the divides and divorces this political turd has caused. The time has come for all of us to shut–the–fudge-up and get on with our lives (minus the £840 per year each UK household has lost in the process!).

After the 31st ShellShock, with help from the Elysium’s very own bad ass, bent copper (aka Jon), will be vigorously enforcing a total ban on the ‘B word’. A zero-tolerance approach will see offenders breaching this policy deported to a remote rock in the English Channel with only Diane Abbott and horney, syphilitic stoat named Eric for company.

We understand that many of you are still dealing with reams of pent up anger and can’t afford a therapist, (cos you ain’t getting one on the NHS!) so ShellShock are offering you one last chance to let it all out before we put this bullshit to bed.

So, if you’ve got the urge to purge, one last time, then come along to the Elysium for ‘Last Orders’ to make yourself heard, have a rant, spit your bit, say your piece, speak your mind, have a bitch, sound off or pipe up for the FINAL time.

One free drink will be offered in exchange for opinions. Opinions offered at your own free will. ShellShock can’t be held accountable for any long-term alcoholism caused by Brexit or indeed Last Orders.